So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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