At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
