You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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