All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
