every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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