The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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