Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
