The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
