i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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