Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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