so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Too much gin, very little bucket
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
