hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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