i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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