discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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