the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
