i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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