i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
