I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
