Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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