this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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