Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
