omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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