I wish I could teleport
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
