yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
