he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he was CRYING into my vagina
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
