went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
