oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
