Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Randomize
