i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
