all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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