my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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