The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
