actually, I'm a sock model
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
