O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
