I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
