How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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