I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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