Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
