The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
