i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
