Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
