True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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