we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
