I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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