my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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