I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
