i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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