I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
