You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
