They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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