My brain says no but my pants say off.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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