you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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