I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
