OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
