Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
