Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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