I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
