She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize