Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
