Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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