he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
