Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
