instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
