I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
