Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
