That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
