I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize