Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My penis needs a shock collar
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
