this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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