I just saw a hot homeless man
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
