i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
