After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
