You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
