i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
