Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
