can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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