A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
