so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
